Beneath the Acacia Tree

Praying

2012-01-31T22:27:00.002-06:00

We want our babies home. Plain and simple. No fancy words. Just praying.

Breaking Point

2012-01-29T12:12:00.000-06:00

I have reached my breaking point. Although my disposition may seem sweet and demure the rage inside has heightened to a degree that I cannot write quietly anymore. For sake of annomity I'll refrain from spilling too many specific details but lets just say that our eyes have been opened...

I am sick and tired of people claiming to be good when they are nothing but evil. I am fed up with people wanting to be so in control of a situation that the innocent suffer. I am exhausted by those around me who seem to thrive in the company of drama and I am pissed off that our family does nothing but love and yet still people think that we are up to no good.

In the past month we have been accused of lying, stealing, walking against the word of God and certain individuals, who shall remain nameless... for now, have been using us as an attempted pawn to divide. To those of you who are guilty of what I am referring to, know that I know and realize that despite your devious plans you will fail because we have Jesus on our side and you are working for the Devil.

I am a fighter and I will fight armed with a faith that does not waver. I have reached my breaking point so prepare yourselves for a more candid view...

Outside of Addis

2012-01-16T14:13:00.002-06:00

Biftu and You?

2012-01-12T14:17:00.000-06:00

Biftu was Laurent and Nicasio's first home. This is where they were when we knew of them. Here they slept, safely. Merdokiyos and Tarik, who run the orphanage, have become dear friends to both AJ and me; brother and sister in Christ. Their passion for the children is tangible and visible as tears fill their eyes when they discuss those they care for and nurture. We couldn't feel more honored to have them be a part of our family history and now at their request and our prayer we have a question for you... Could part of your history begin here as well... Are these your children?

They are siblings, estimated ages 7 and 9. They have been at Biftu for some time and although 'paper ready' no one has stepped forward to adopt them... yet. With sorrow in their expressions Tarik and Merdi told us how during school they will at times see both of them "hanging their head in sadness" because another child is able to leave to be with their family and they are again left behind. Their dream is to be adopted, to be with their own family, to be loved unconditionally and forever. Please feel free to re-post and spread the word about this amazing brother and sister who have been through so much yet have so much joy and hope. Please email me (j_gumieny@yahoo.com) with any questions, to see unobstructed photos, for more information, or if you know or anyone who may be interested in being their forever family. I will get in touch with the Biftu staff with your emails and hopefully together we can find the fortunate ones being called to these two blessings.

The Reason

2012-01-11T00:24:00.000-06:00

This is why we returned to Ethiopia. This is who we listen to. This is where our heart is.

Relief

2012-01-09T14:22:00.001-06:00

We arrived late, groggily ventured to our guest house unsure of exactly how we managed to get there and slept like babies. The following morning we were lulled awake by the crow of a local rooster (of which AJ insisted was not a real bird but rather a rooster recording - um yeah we're from the states - convinced of this until a second rooster joined the morning call), religious chanting echoing between the hills and car horns beeping in an attempt to manage the driving chaos. We knew immediately that we were back in Ethiopia.

For a time we lay in bed soaking it all in, making mental files to hold on to and then the excitement of what was to come hit us and we rushed to get ready. We had a wonderfully prepared breakfast, bolted out the door to meet our driver and ten minutes later entered the gate to the foster home where our boys were. Having adopted before, we felt like we had a pretty good grasp of what was to come and could visualize, to an extent, what to expect. With Charlotte it was fueled on emotion and with the boys it felt more like a sigh of relief. Finally, after years of waiting for a moment we thought would never come, the time was upon us and the sense of peace we felt was beyond expression. We were simply minutes from our boys!

They brought Nicasio down first and we were taken by his beauty... Seriously, in person, this kid is gorgeous beyond words! We held him, breathed in his scent, kissed his head and praised God. In awe of how we could be chosen to be his. Laurent came down about ten minutes later and we were struck by how delicate yet strong he is. Transfixed at the realization that because of this little man we had returned to Ethiopia; he had found us.

In retrospect, it occurred to me that AJ and I didn't speak much during these first moments with our boys but rather stared in disbelief at them. I think we were in shock of how in this time all of the pain, the waiting and the confusion made perfect sense. In this moment we understood God's will and realized how flawless His timing truly is.

The day was perfect, spent in the company of our two smallest Finks and the ten days that followed were more brilliant than the previous...

MSP to ORD to FRA to ADD

2012-01-08T21:43:00.000-06:00

I used to love to fly. The idea of it alone made my heart flutter with anticipation and excitement as thoughts of the ensuing adventures flooded my mind. Time has passed, I've grown a bit older, my back has become increasingly more achy, the number of people to pack for has quadrupled and the travel flurry that used to invigorate me now tends simply to exhaust. I still crave the memories, the experiences and the overall end result, but I wish the path to get there wasn't 18+ hours of airtime.

Thankfully, on our way to Ethiopia we had a lengthy layover in Frankfurt, Germany. Time to stretch, walk and re-acclimate ourselves to unfiltered air. As we deplaned the skies were still dark with the early morning, fold out cots lined the walkways beckoning exhausted travelers and although we felt nauseous with sleep deprivation, we kept walking. It was just AJ and I, only hours from our boys and yet with no children in tow; we couldn't let this time be lost to slumber. It was a moment to explore. The SBahn underground runs directly to the airport terminal so we decided to grab a map, purchase tickets and hop the next train into the city center. We felt like our younger selves again, like when we were dating or just married and this rush pushed all tiredness aside.

Within twenty minutes we had arrived to our destination, stepped up the stairs into the bitter chill and witnessed the timeless beauty of Germany. We've been told that of all the cities in the country, Frankfurt can be noted as one of the least impressive, but as our perception and noted first exposure to the land of our ancestors, we were taken by the charm of it all. Quaint shops, a Christmas walk filled with intricate decorations, street musicians and unmistakable architecture. For just over two hours we wandered, sipped coffee, sampled baked goods and marveled at the history that surrounded us. Then we went back to the airport for a nap.

Crazy? Yes. Happy? Beyond.

2012-01-05T07:04:00.000-06:00

I'm attempting to put together a post or series of posts to honor our time in Ethiopia, but it's proving difficult to sum it all up... so much unfolded. In the meantime, here's a little glimpse of the crazy that's about to rock our house when there are five kids living within it!

Nicasio Henri Sena Fink

2012-01-03T07:31:00.000-06:00

Nicasio is five months old. His presence lights up a room, his gummy smile is contagious and his disposition is one of pure joy. He is solid, healthy and in love with his ‘dada.’ It would be impossible for anyone to not fall completely in love with him instantly. He loves to growl like a lion with his raspy little voice. He rarely gets upset, but if he does it’s only for a moment and usually means he is tired. We lay back with him on our chest as he sucks on his pudgy fingers and drifts off to sleep. He periodically raises his head to make sure we are still with him and as soon as he hears our voice and sees our face he is comforted back to sleep. He loves to be loved and loves everyone he meets.

Laurent Christiano Ijoob Fink

2012-01-03T07:30:00.000-06:00

Laurent is ten months old. He is timid, cautious and more reserved. It takes effort to lure a smile out of him, but once you are able all of the endless tickling proves more than worth it. His smile captivates and his gigantic eyes speak volumes. He is observant and seems to be deep in thought much of the time. He loves to snuggle close but fights sleep to stay awake as not to miss anything. He has a habit of grinding his five little teeth and it appears that two more teeth are about to pop through. He is very thin and weak but has great determination, much like his big sister Charlotte, and we are confident that he will overcome every obstacle placed in his path. He is gentle yet strong and although you have to earn his love once you have you have earned it forever.

Merry Christmas from Ethiopia

2011-12-25T04:53:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas Eve from Ethiopia

2011-12-24T11:50:00.001-06:00

Our Baby Boys!!!!!

2011-12-23T12:50:00.003-06:00

So much has happened but long story very short... We are in Ethiopia and are officially parents to two of the most beautiful, amazing blessings. We passed court today and are praising God for His plan and timing.

Miss Sophia

2011-12-01T22:03:00.001-06:00

I am blessed. I get to be Sophia's mommy. I am blessed. I have an amazing sister-in-law, Denise, who is also a brilliant photographer. The following pictures speak for themselves and I am still in awe of how beautifully they capture the essence and character of Miss Sophia.

Loving Life

2011-11-23T13:37:00.001-06:00

Flights are Booked!

2011-11-15T21:46:00.001-06:00

That's all I have to say.

I am still in awe and loving every minute of it!

Only 33 more days...

Christmas in Ethiopia

2011-11-11T06:59:00.001-06:00

Well after dreaming about this moment for over two years we finally know what it feels like to live it. (For the record, the reality far outweighs the imagined in its magnificence). At approximately twelve thirty on November 10, 2011 AJ and I were together during a meeting and I received an email from our agency director asking for the very best number to call us at. I began to shake and can't honestly tell you what transpired in the meeting following this moment. Then at approximately one o'clock we received the phone call that changed everything... We have a court date for December 23rd and will be spending Christmas in Ethiopia with our boys!

I am still at a loss for words.

In the past week we have witnessed a miracle unfold before our eyes, seen and heard God more clearly and more closely than ever and have begun to make sense of the long and at times heartbreaking journey. To sum it up, we are in awe and this is my feeble attempt at sharing what is still well beyond my comprehension. It began to spiral in its glorification of Him when Sophia became our little prayer warrior. Wednesday evening as I was tucking her into bed she gazed up at me and asked when God was going to answer her. Not knowing for certain how everything would evolve, I simply comforted her by saying "soon, very soon He will bless you." Never did I imagine that her faith would be gifted so beautifully or timely. The following morning I woke up and could not shake her inquiry so I asked God to "show us that He hears us today." As the day progressed I began feeling close to defeat at moments, remained hopeful, and then it happened...

He hears us and He answers.

The rest of a week has been filled with celebration, relief and amazement as we begin to plan, plot and work out the details of our trip. As it stands now, in just over a month from now we will be on a plane on our way to Laurent and Nicasio... It's really happening. For all of the pain the joy is worth it. In this time we are evolving and although we openly admit that the good is way better than the bad , we wouldn't change a thing because where we are is where we need to be to embrace our boys. Dreams are coming true and we are humbled.

Prayer Warrior

2011-11-08T22:27:00.000-06:00

The wait to be with the boys grows more desperate each day and in this longing we are tested. Patience becomes the enemy as time ticks past too fast and not fast enough. As a family, we have changed, we are changing and we anticipate more transformation. Although we may struggle, we are thriving in this battle dependent upon our faith. As a parent, it's been an amazing sight to view how Sophia, Etienne and Charlotte have grown. Respectively, each of them have strengthened their personal relationship with Jesus beyond my greatest hopes and He's still not done working through them.

Sophia has become a prayer warrior for our family without any prompting and her trust in Him is beyond inspiring. I can see Him in her. In the past 48 hours she has:

Asked everyone, during a visit to AJ's parent's house, to pray for her baby brothers as we stood together in a circle and then reminded everyone to pray before bed for them as well.

Requested that everyone pray individually for the boys before mealtime.

Petitioned her friends and teachers at school to sign a sheet of paper she'd made to send to her brothers to show them how many people are thinking about them.

Told her Sunday school leader about her brothers and asked him to pray for them.

Came up way past bed time to tell us that she was lying in bed praying 20 times to Jesus to protect her baby brothers, bless the nannies caring for them and to answer her prayer so that she could be with them soon.

Staged an impromptu prayer time before school with Etienne that I overheard via the baby monitor, asking Jesus to bless us with our court date so that she can be with her baby brothers.

The fire in Sophia's heart for Jesus, the love that she has for Laurent and Nicasio and the unwavering faith she exudes signifies beauty. I am in awe of her and praying alongside my baby girl for the Lord to bless these boys with the chance to be with their big sister as soon as possible.

Orphan Sunday

2011-11-06T20:57:00.002-06:00

Etienne's prayer

Sophia's prayer

In honor of Orphan Sunday and Harvest Fest, a couch sat in the church lobby. Serving as a place for reflection and as a media for prayer requests. Desire for change and the will of God to be glorified were noted from seam to seam. Compelled, our family put in writing our united desire to be with Laurent and Nicasio, to have them be orphans no more. We know that God hears our prayers and trust that He will place us all together on a couch of our own very soon. His timing will be perfect and our faith will remain constant... Until that moment we pray and ask that if you are willing that your prayers will storm the gates of heaven with us...

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T12:29:00.001-05:00

Quote of the Day

2011-10-25T11:15:00.000-05:00

Etienne: "Mom, you're the oldest in the family but you look like a teenager. Seriously, you look like a teenager."

Have I mentioned how much I love this kid!

Update of Sorts

2011-10-20T21:08:00.002-05:00

Life has been progressing as my blog has been absent of any sort of substantial activity. It's difficult to write about something that you try not to think about but cannot help but dwell upon...It almost seems counterproductive. However, for the sake of documenting this journey purge I will.

In the world of Ethiopian adoption, changes are daily and not something that I want to spend too much time dissecting, but in summary there are situations taking place that are lengthening the time wherein our children will remain in an orphanage and not with us. This could all change tomorrow, but as it stands now, we anticipate a fight ahead of us and refuse to give up until these boys are in our arms. As far as where we are in terms of steps, we are anxiously waiting for a court date. Our dossier is finally in Ethiopia and being translated to present to court and this is where we stay until we receive an official court date/travel date. Faithfully yet unrealistically we petition for a date before the end of the year... It could happen but chances are it will be after the New Year. One can always dream...

In regards to our family life here in the states, days are hectic especially as the kids get older. School is becoming more demanding with homework assignments and after school activities. We find ourselves falling into chauffeur status as we cart Etienne to soccer twice a week, Sophia to hip hop/ballet/tap and Charlotte to preschool. Yet despite it all we wouldn't change a thing, in the hustle we are surrounded by life and in this we live.

Circling back to the blog, my goal is to be more proactive with writing again. It's a release, a place to gather my thoughts and a medium for dispensing my emotions. Beneath the Acacia Tree journals our months and cliff notes our years as we move forward taking each day as it comes and with whatever it brings. Mind you I petition to blog more as a goal and not a promise but again one can dream right... At least dreaming is something we've never been fearful of...

Pumpkin Farm

2011-10-08T21:12:00.001-05:00

Choosing Jesus

2011-09-26T20:38:00.000-05:00

Etienne had a choice between a skeleton necklace or our Savior on the cross during a weekend shopping excursion. Without any prompting and with little thought, he chose Jesus. When asked why he made the decision he made, the answer was simple... "because it makes Jesus smile when we choose Him."

Bird

2011-09-20T21:10:00.001-05:00

I don't care for birds rationalizing that anything that can s*** on my head is no friend of mine. However, even I cannot deny the beauty that some fowl encompass. Thankfully, the kids don't share my phobia and as a result, spent close to an hour feeding this lucky peacock lime flavored popcorn during a recent trip to the zoo.

Apple Picking

2011-09-18T17:41:00.000-05:00

Loaded Letter

2011-09-17T12:56:00.003-05:00

Each night Sophia and Charlotte sneak out of their beds and write up a little note for AJ and me. Most evenings it's a hand-drawn picture with the simple words "I love you," however last night it was a little bit more...

To fuel any curiosity, when I lifted the paper, there was indeed a giant green booger. The shocked face illustration about sums it up... Those are our girls sweet and sick all at the same time, just like their parents.

Care Packages

2011-09-16T14:52:00.000-05:00

We have been so fortunate in connecting with other families at our agency and even more so, these same families have offered to take over some care packages to our little guys for us. Sophia, Etienne and Charlotte have pretty much taken full responsibility in putting everything together and the result is a loving display of how much Laurent and Nicasio are already adored by their older siblings.

Change of Season

2011-09-14T20:30:00.000-05:00

The Fight

2011-09-13T19:20:00.000-05:00

I'm fighting myself in a battle that cannot be won easily, but yet I continue to throw punches. I am a fallen sinner given the chance to live again through the death of another, however I've lost sight of my foundation. From a place of vulnerability I admit that life has been difficult over the past months and weeks which seems counterproductive given the fact that we have at long last received referrals for two precious baby boys. In honesty, days have been long, endless in sight, and although it may appear that I have everything managed, my grasp is weak and my will to push on is at times fleeting.

I know that this brawl is worth the agony but I'm feeling worn, bruised by experience and almost ready to collapse. I believe that I've finally reached my limit and at this point everything that has taken place throughout this adoption has culminated, while the influx of it all weighs me down with intense anger, unrelenting exhaustion and pessimistic distress. From the agency that didn't trust to the one who didn't do their part. From the lies we were fed to the funds that were lost and everything in between, I am broken.

Where do I go from here? Do I give up and run away, sink into my own self-consciousness and disappear into the 'problem' or do I withstand the pain? How do I overcome what has been to embrace what will be? I've walked this road before, the angst was greater then and I proved victorious; stronger as a result. I trust that the same path is before me I just have to jump into motion and continue the fight, not for me but for them.

Orphanage Mates Need Help

2011-09-12T21:32:00.001-05:00

As many of you know we finally, after years of waiting and dreaming, know who our children are. We breath a sign of relief at this, fully understanding that our journey is far from over yet further along than where we began. While we wait we feel called to help and support in any way that we can, especially when it comes to any needs associated or directly related to the place in which our boys are. We feel fortunate to be connected to an agency that actively calls its families into action to help and support, especially in crisis situations. One such situation has presented itself and is explained below through the words of a fellow adoptive mom and active volunteer for Adoption Avenues. If after reading the following letter you desire to help in any way, whether it be via prayer or financially, you're efforts would not be wasted...

Friends and Family,

As many of you know, as Addia's mom I am passionate about staying connected to Ethiopia, Toukoul Orphanage, and Adoption Avenues as they are each part of Addia's adoption story. Each has become part of who I am and part of what and who I love. As such, I have performed a few volunteer roles for Adoption Avenues over the past few years to assist them with other families going through their own adoption process. Each time I've been asked to assist and each role I have played has been truly a privilege and an honor and I have walked away better and wiser than I was before! I've been called upon again in a way that I feel even more privileged than before, but this time I can't do it alone.

Recently Radu, the director of Adoption Avenues, informed me that Biftu Orphanage, one of the three orphanages that they work with, was approved to begin taking in children who have journeyed from drought stricken, southeast Ethiopia in search of food and assistance. They all have been diagnosed as severely malnourished. The Biftu staff is thrilled to have the opportunity to improve the health of these children and they are relieved to know that they've at least made it this far, yet they now bear the large burden of providing adequate food for them. Dr. Nasser, primary physician for Biftu, reached out to Adoption Avenues for assistance with carrying this load and Radu reached out to me.

The doctors involved feel that there are two avenues to pursue to provide the necessary food for these children-Formula F100 (or "catch up" formula) and Plumpy Nut. Plumpy Nut is a product that was created specifically to feed severely malnourished. It is used by Doctors Beyond Borders. Unicef purchases over 90% of the product produced. It has been labeled a "miracle food" as a 6 week supply dramatically improves the health of the child consuming it. With 90% of the product already spoken for, getting my hands on it was not easy! Therefore, it is nothing short of a miracle (and the assistance of my dear friend Colleen) that I've been put in contact with one of the members of the founding team of Plumpy Nut who put me in connection with this person and that person and the next person! Finally I was connected to a person who was able to and who has committed to helping us help these children. What's even better is that this company produces the product in Ethiopia and will NOT CHARGE us for delivery inside Addis Ababa!

So here are the facts. One box of Plumpy Nut contains 150 packets and feeds one child for 7 weeks, or one full treatment for severe malnourishment. One box costs $55. Currently there are 40 children (ages 10 days to 4/5 years) who have been taken in as a result of the drought. Another 20 are expected in the next few days. And in the coming months they expect to be able to take in hundreds. WE NEED HELP!

Adoption Avenues is a non-profit organization and has agreed to collect the funds from adoptive families and friends of adoptive families. I have called out to all adoptive families and now am reaching out to you. Attached you will find Adoption Avenues Non-Profit 501c3 form and the commitment letter from Hilina Foods (Please email me at j_gumieny@yahoo.com if you desire to view these attachments prior to making a donation and I will be more than happy to forward them to you directly). If you are able to make a donation towards this cause all involved would be humbled and incredibly grateful. Donations can be made payable directly to Adoption Avenues via check (please indicate on the subject line Zimmer-Plumpy Nut). If you are uncomfortable with that, you can send the donation to me (Please email me and I will send you my address or Jenna's email/address in order for you to send us your donation and then we will forward it on to Adoption Avenues) and I will get it to the right hands. They will provide receipts for the donated funds and will use those funds solely for the purchase of Plumpy Nut for these children. Hilina Foods, the processing and distribution plant in Ethiopia, will provide me with a receipt for the products purchased, thus completing the paper trail should you desire such documents.

There is a real opportunity to greatly impact the lives of these children. I hope you will consider joining me in this mission. Any assistance that you can provide towards this cause is greatly appreciated!

The little ones being cared and in need of life saving intervention, as mentioned in the above letter, are in the same orphanage (Biftu) as Laurent and Nicasio... Obviously our hearts are heavy and hopefully after reading this your hearts may be touched as well...

Donations can be sent directly to AA or as stated above:

Adoption Avenues

9498 SW Barbur Blvd. Suite 305

Portland, OR 97219

Phone 503.977.2870 or 503.977.5067

Family Photos 2011

2011-09-09T10:33:00.000-05:00

First Day of Preschool

2011-09-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

Charlotte has officially begun her school career and literally could not be more excited. She picked out her own clothes (a flowing princess dress), requested her nails to be painted (a sparkly shade of pink) and asked for a rhinestone encrusted Mickey Mouse clip to be placed in her hair. This girl knows what she wants and what she wants is more school. With her backpack and lunch bag she trotted into class and almost didn't notice our less than stealth like departure. To summarize, our baby girl is growing up, exploring her 'independence' and as her parents we couldn't be more proud of the beautiful little lady she is becoming.

Side note: We received our second referral today... Another little baby boy who was born just days after we received our referral for Laurent back in July. He is beyond words adorable and we are in a state of disbelief and thanks as we finally know who our TWO little men are. More to come later when time becomes more of a luxury and less of a race.

Decisions

2011-09-05T22:43:00.000-05:00

First Day of School

2011-09-01T18:06:00.001-05:00

Etienne is a first grader, Sophia is now in second grade and I'm 33 years old. The first day of school is always bittersweet for this mommy as I let go of 24/7 contact with my littles, entrusting them in the hands of another, and age a year older. With that said, the kids LOVED school and my day was perfectly spent with my man and Miss Charlotte ending with a surprise birthday dinner with friends and family at one of my favorite restaurants.

Life is complex, neither calm nor serene, but a blessing beyond comprehension. To top it all off it's just been confirmed that we are going to officially be adopting two little guys from Ethiopia. Our sweet Laurent and another tiny one waiting, whose name is yet to be determined. The first day of school may be bittersweet but an event that is inevitably going to be a part of my life for many years to come (Insert smile here)!

Make-Over

2011-08-31T21:44:00.002-05:00

With so many changes on the horizon it's time for a new look... A blog make-over is in the works with a cleaner, more streamlined feel... Simplification in the midst of organized chaos...

Weekend Get-Away

2011-08-29T12:48:00.001-05:00

Preview / Family Photos 2011

2011-08-23T21:55:00.002-05:00

My most talented sister-in-law who I've before mentioned to be a brilliant photographer did it again. She managed to capture our little family beautifully on film and we couldn't be more appreciative. Her gift continues to bless us in more ways than we could adequately express - Thanks 'D' we love you!

Deep Breath

2011-08-16T18:44:00.001-05:00

We have shown to over twenty situations domestically in the past three months. In each case either the birth mom has decided to parent, a family member has taken custody or we have not been chosen and lest we forget the most severe blow of all - Our unforgettable birth mom scam. Needless to say, it has been an emotional awakening and although one could assume that it seems like a battle with no victory, we reckon the opposite.

We followed the call to leave an Ethiopian course to jump aboard a domestic jaunt only to be brought back to Ethiopia. It seems unlikely, haphazard and chaotic. It could be argued that we are misdirected or that we didn't listen early enough to prevent the roller coaster we've ridden. We have no rebuttal aside from our desire to please God and not ourselves - Our willingness to follow Him wherever He leads our family no matter how much it doesn't make sense. In honesty, we hurt each time we let go of one stage to explore another phase and at times find ourselves pleading with our Father and asking Him to 'just let it happen' as we imagine it. We have fought Him, grasping to hold on when we knew that time was up, yet eventually we always give in and trust that He knows what He is doing. In all of this we see His plan evolving in our lives - His will being carried out and our desires falling in sync.

With great dismay we have decided to put our domestic adoption on hold in an attempt to zero in on what is right in front of us. After weeks of being pulled in so many directions simultaneously, the stress of it all built up and exploded into a whirlwind of thought. Over the weekend we began to feel an intense pressing on our hearts to focus on our three little ones here and our baby boy waiting in Ethiopia. Since we first saw Laurent we knew that he was our son, but felt the need to also continue on with our domestic adoption - To follow though with the path we were lead to. Unfortunately, for lack of a better term, it feels that the domestic door is closing and for as much as it pains our hearts we have to follow His lead. With that said, both AJ and I have decided to put our dreams of adopting domestically on hold for the time being. We trust that if God has a baby waiting for us here that He will bring us together, but in the mean time we plan on settling into the wait for Laurent and embracing the time leading up to his arrival. In retrospect, maybe this is why we have never been chosen by any birth mom stateside, because our son is not here but there.

I cannot begin to predict what will be. I know what we hope for. I know who we dream about and I know who we serve. In the meantime we wait and stare at the photos of Laurent with awe and excitement for the moment we are able to hug and kiss him - Thankful for each day we are brought closer together.

Roundabout Referral Repost

2011-08-15T15:54:00.001-05:00

No, that infamous word in the title is not a misprint and yes we are sane. We have not lost perspective or our minds but rather we have found our way back to Africa and ultimately to our son. God has lead us on a wild ride taking us from Ethiopia, wherein we desired to adopt a baby boy. He then redirected us to wait for twins and then completely changed the direction in having us pursue a domestic adoption. Now we are Ethiopia bound again, via our domestic connection, with a 'referral' for the most beautiful baby boy we have admittedly ever laid our eyes upon. He is a healthy four month old waiting child with a natural Mohawk to swoon for.

I imagine most of you are scratching your heads so an explanation is rightly in order... So here it goes...

It was the weekend before Sophia's 8th birthday and I was restless, not over the fact that my baby girl was now becoming that much closer to aging out of the single digits (although this is quite frightening), but rather I found myself questioning if we'd made a mistake in leaving Ethiopia. We knew and know that God took us away, however, I couldn't deny a pressing longing on my heart to return. After seeking the greatly respected counsel of some close friends and family I resigned to let it all go, praying for peace, His will to be done and to be side swiped by His decision whenever it may present itself. What happened next was without a doubt shocking and amazing in the same breath.

Monday came and I woke to two possible situations in my email that we would be able to show our profile to at some point. We agreed to put ourselves out there again, trusting that if one of these little ones were our baby that we'd be chosen. The remainder of the day was spent embracing the birth of Sophia. Then as we were in the Walmart parking lot (super non-romantic but part of the story none the less) picking up Soph's birthday cake, for the impending party, we received an email from Carlee at CAC. This email changed everything. The time spent following this moment was laced with shock, confusion, and excitement. We contacted the agency that this adorable little miracle baby is with and spent the next 24 hours exchanging emails back and forth as they made certain that he was not yet spoken for. This 24 hours was long and tense. Even though we believed that their response would be God's will either way, we knew that this was our son from the moment we saw him and wanted nothing more than to be his family. Eventually we received the good news that we had been hoping for - he was available and things were in order for us to move forward to adopt him.

Having been hurt on numerous levels and with our course changing direction so many times, both AJ and I attempted to stifle our attachment and longing to be with him, yet we couldn't deny the warmth that overtook our heart each time we gazed at his photo - It's as if every time we look at him we fall in love. The rest of the week was spent praying and researching, confiding in our friends and family and absolutely trusting that God would make His desire for our family clear. The thought of returning to Ethiopia terrified us, but the idea of not adopting this little boy crippled us. We walked in faith and are now elated to announce that we have officially moved forward to adopt this handsome little man. After months of not knowing who we were being lead to, we now know with certainty who we've been waiting for...

Understanding that anything can change we believe that this is our baby. Realizing that even after we turn in all of the necessary documents, our course could shift again. We trust in the Lord and believe that He has lead us here to be with our son.

From the start, this adoption has been complicated, perplexing, down right nuts and yet we have persevered. Although the journey is far from over, we wouldn't change anything and honestly couldn't feel more blessed than we do in being given the opportunity to expand our family with the addition of this 'seriously' beautiful little boy...

Laurent Christiano Fink... We are on our way to you... Praying that God grants us a straight, speedy and smooth path that ends with you in our arms very soon!

Numbers

2011-08-11T10:09:00.004-05:00

Two years since we decided to begin our current adoption - In all of its various versions...

Three months since we've begun our domestic adoption.

Twenty-four days since we first saw Laurent's face and knew that we were to return to Ethiopia for him.

Best Friends

2011-08-09T13:21:00.000-05:00

Distance nor time can diminish the friendship shared between these kiddos. Although we live in opposite sections of the country these little ones, who have known each other since birth, pick right up where they left off each time they are reunited. It is a union we trust will last a lifetime...

Easy Canvas Prints

2011-08-08T12:53:00.001-05:00

A few weeks back I was contacted by Brendan at Easy Canvas Prints who offered a unique opportunity to review their product, in exchange for a picture of our choice placed onto canvas. Thus turning a snapshot into a work of art. The process from start to finish was little effort, thanks to a very user friendly site, yet the finished product is anything but effortless.

We have a family photo shoot scheduled but in my excitement and anticipation to see a finished product, I could hardly wait and opted to use a shot taken while in Ethiopia for Charlotte by our wonderful photog friend Tony Skarlatos. It is an image capturing the clothing out to dry, at the orphanage where Char was, before with she was with us. The delicate beauty, poignant significance and stirring memories encompassed by this photo are very dear to me and I am touched to have it hanging in the girls' bedroom.

Being surrounded by brilliant photographers I'm sure to have many more snapshots that I will want to transfer to canvas and in doing so Easy Canvas Prints will be my first choice in accomplishing this task.

State Capitol

2011-08-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

Fountain Fun

2011-08-04T20:43:00.000-05:00

Update

2011-07-29T10:47:00.001-05:00

I have composed a post that encompasses our most recent adoption twist, focusing on how our path has yet again shifted according to His will. I'm going to hold off on this posting until all paperwork is finalized and official, however, while we wait here is a little glimpse of our most recent direction (subject to change as usual)...

At some point we are returning here:

To bring home him:

"Laurent Christiano Fink"

No we are not:

We are continuing with our adoption here:

Believing that our future may still hold a version of this:

Until then we will trust and follow, pray and wait...

Nine Years and Counting...

2011-07-26T11:52:00.001-05:00

Nine years ago today I married my best friend. Our lives have taken a course that not even I, in my wildest imagination, could have written. I wouldn't want to walk forward with anyone else and am so thankful to have been blessed by a man who loves me unconditionally and for whom embraces our lives so beautifully...

Sophia Turns Eight

2011-07-18T22:51:00.000-05:00

Happy 8th birthday to our sweet Sophia. She is a gift beyond measure.

Honesty Purge

2011-07-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

So it's officially that time again to examine my adoption frustrations in an attempt to overtake the wait induced depression, that is looming with vengeance, with some verbal purging. To preface, taking into account all that we've experienced in the past two months, I feel that so far I've ridden the roller coaster with my eyes open, arms up in the air and smiling. I've been able to rationally handle all of the ups and downs while standing firm in my faith. Although it has been exhausting, both emotionally and physically, I have remained positive which is no small feat for a noted pessimist.

As of late, however, I have to admit that this coaster is kicking my butt; my eyes are shut, arms are gripping the guard rails and my expression is covered in fear. Honestly, I have questioned the path we are on, despite knowing the chain of events that lead us here. I have asked myself if we've made a mistake in leaving our Ethiopian adoption 15 months into the wait, even though I trust that we are in synch with the big guy upstairs and following His lead. I am scared that 'it' will never happen. There is an ache in my heart, which began two years ago, for this baby and it will not go away.

Thankfully I am surrounded by friends and family, both near and far, that are constantly encouraging me and keeping me in check, but lately their efforts are being shadowed by my own self-pity. Why is it so difficult, why did we get scammed, why were we not chosen, is there something wrong with us, what is God trying to teach us and how much longer until this lesson plan of His is over? My mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts, most of which I wish I could block completely, yet just when I think that I've silenced them for a moment they resurface. I wrestle with living in the now and imagining the future, all the while, knowing full well that now is where I need to be.

So for whatever it's worth, I've spilled my heart and hope that in doing so I can find peace in the rest of the wait whether it be a day, a month or a year... Fingers crossed and prayers lifted...

iPhone Trumps Boredom

2011-07-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

Another Pool Day

2011-07-12T20:39:00.000-05:00

Another moment embracing summer before it shifts away into fall...

Playground Musing

2011-07-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

The joy that comes from a faith beyond comprehension is a joy that I would never trade for anything.

'Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.' ROMANS 12:11-12

Life as of Late

2011-07-07T17:24:00.002-05:00

I cannot even begin to explain the ups and downs, twists and turns that our lives have taken in the past three and a half weeks since the scam was revealed. To summarize, we have been shown to a birth mom the day after we knew we were being scammed who didn't choose us. We received calls about two stork drops, which are where a birth mom is at the hospital and in labor but has yet to select an adoptive family; In both cases the birth mom's decided to keep baby. We were blessed by Courtney at Faithful Adoption Consultants who offered to help us in light of and due largely in part to the financial losses we suffered as a result of the scam. She is helping us simply because she wants to and has been an incredible example of God's love and generosity - We feel so blessed by her. We were contacted regarding twins who were born premature at 23 weeks and a situation with a baby boy due at the end of August that we weren't comfortable with as a family to pursue for various reasons. Then, just when we thought we had a few days to recoup, we were just contacted today and asked if we'd like to be shown to a situation over the weekend. We never could have imagined this route and although we are emotionally exhausted we are spiritually filled and trusting that our little guy, the baby boy that God has had chosen for us since the beginning of time, is almost here. Until then we'll just keep riding the rails and holding on for dear life...

Beach Babe

2011-07-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

Fourth of July

2011-07-04T23:24:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

2011-07-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

Yes... Etienne is wearing Sophia's skirt... Dress up fun.

Etienne: "Mom, Charlotte is so much fun to play with. She is like a toy."

Unwavering

2011-06-29T21:28:00.006-05:00

In light of all that could capsize me,
I stand firm in a faith that is unwavering.

Skate Park

2011-06-25T13:57:00.000-05:00

Profile Book

2011-06-21T17:18:00.003-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Switching from an international adoption to a domestic adoption was both intimidating and offered up new terms and necessary documents that seemed completely challenging. The profile book, specifically, was extremely daunting. However, despite this I managed to piece it all together over the course of a day and a half (*note previously mentioned OCD). With the guidance of Shutterfly and by using a hard copy from a fellow adoptive family's personal profile book as a template, it fell into place and we are rather pleased with the end result. To pay it forward for all of the amazing help that we have and continue to receive, I'd like to offer up our book as reference to anyone contemplating or beginning a domestic adoption. Hopefully it will help a little bit!

Birth Mom Scam Update

2011-06-20T19:21:00.001-05:00

We just spoke to the agency that 'matched' us to birth mom "L" and they have been investigating this alleged scam. To preface, we have been told that in our agency's 30+ years in uniting families through adoption, this is the only case that has presented such an in depth and calculated level of deception. As it turns out just five days after we originally spoke to "L" on the phone, the day we were matched, she gave birth to a baby in Indiana. We have no idea at this point where the child is and can only pray for 'his' safety and well being. It's been confirmed that "L" has been in and out of jail for crimes we are uncertain of in the recent months and we know that the friend whom was the main contact for "L" has a less than upstanding track record. In summary, we were scammed, our agency was scammed and to say that we are angry could be a massive understatement. More research is being conducted in an attempt to piece together this corrupt puzzle and although it has been painful, we hope that our experiences will help others, prevent similar ordeals and that eventually we will hold our son in our arms indefinitely - which will prove the greatest justice of all.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T22:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to seriously the coolest Dad I know. Our kids are so blessed to have you and I couldn't imagine living without you.

My Little Ballerina

2011-06-18T20:49:00.000-05:00

WE NEED PRAYERS

2011-06-17T15:47:00.002-05:00

Update 6/18: We were not chosen but trust that that is because it was not His will...

Here we go again... We were contacted this afternoon by an agency that we sent our profile book to and they have a birth mom, "D," who they will be showing our information to TOMORROW. Baby is due on July 22nd in Utah. Please pray for "D" that the Lord will be present with her as she makes her decision and please pray that if she is going to deliver the baby boy that He has had planned for our family that it will be, without complication or drama, but rather obvious and completely of Him. We are not feeling desperate but are feeling ready and praying that this is our son...

Birth Mom Scam

2011-06-17T10:29:00.001-05:00

We thought that an end was in sight to the roller coaster that we have been on for the past two years, however this is not the case. In the last 24 hours we have had moments wherein we literally felt sick to our stomachs, our hearts have been broken, our faith has been on the brink of wavering and then we were restored. There are so many ridiculous details of this scam that to go into them would almost be a complete waste of time and energy. To rehash it all seems pointless because in the end whats done is done and despite our desires, we cannot go back to change any of it. Our birth mom and her 'friend,' who was known to be a less than upstanding woman from the beginning, took us for a ride scoring about $400 and a month of our time.

Honestly, AJ and I are not even convinced that our birth mom is who she says she is or that she was ever even pregnant. It doesn't make sense and it builds up anger within us over how someone could be so crass and heartless, but we circle back to the reality that where there is money to be made there are individuals who are willing to do just about anything to get a piece of the action. Adoption, internationally and domestically, is not for the weak. Despite this set back and major emotional blow we are now more determined than ever to get back in the game and bring our son home. Yes, this sucks and we wish it was over! God must have bigger plans. I just pray that our story is about to close with a happy ending because we are ready and have been for some time now. We are preparing to be shown again to new situations with babies due over the summer... Pray with us that these are legit cases and that we will have our baby in our arms soon.

Fortune Cookie

2011-06-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not one for reading too much into a fortune cookie fortune. However, I must admit that when these little quips appeared inside of the girls and my dessert over lunch, I did feel a little flutter of excitement.

Recital Week

2011-06-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

It's recital time and with this comes some crazy chaos. We attended an extensive rehearsal to solidify the tap and ballet routines this evening and then there are three days of performances towards the end of the week. Sophia is a little dancing machine and loves being up on the stage much like her Daddy. We are looking forward to the busyness and to seeing Miss Sophia dance her little heart out.

Makeshift Nursery

2011-06-12T13:12:00.003-05:00

It began as an unfinished basement that we sectioned off to construct a recording studio. From there it morphed into a playroom and now it has transitioned into a nursery. This room has seen it all, but the best is yet to come...

Family Illustration

2011-06-11T09:04:00.001-05:00

I love this drawing. Our family through the eyes of Sophia. Beautiful.

Emotions

2011-06-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

As we get closer and closer to our shared due date with birth mom 'L' (just under two weeks but who's counting), I cannot begin to adequately express the feelings that are presenting themselves. Of course, there is excitement to meet the little man who has been on our hearts and minds for almost two years; sometimes fully realized and other times seeming so distant. We are nervous, unsure of what to expect from ourselves emotionally, concerned for 'L' and how she will feel in the moment, anxious about the hospital situation and slightly intimidated to have a newborn baby again - especially since we never imagined we'd parent a 'baby, baby' again.

It's as if no matter how much we attempt to prepare for what comes next, there is no way to truly 'get ready.' I have begun to pack, bottles are cleaned, diapers and formula are bought, bassinet is set up, funds are in order, accommodations are lined up for the puppies, car seat and stroller are ready to roll and although we hope for some lead time before we need to travel we are expecting to have to hop in the car or on a plane with little to no notice.

As far as we are understanding the process (it's moving so fast so there may very well be some inaccuracies), we will make our way to Kansas where 'L' is giving birth, either we will hopefully spend time together before Andreas is born or after depending on timing. Once in Kansas 'L' has 12-48 hours to finalize her decision and then in that moment we officially become Dre's parents. We have to remain in Kansas for about five days and appear in court to finalize in state and then we are free to leave. However, we cannot return to Wisconsin for approximately seven to ten days due to the Interstate Compact for Placement of Children (ICPC). This leads us to have to decide whether we want to drive to Chicago to wait our our time or take on a little more and travel around a bit. I imagine that a lot of this decision will be determined once Dre is with us and after we realize how truly exhausted we may be.

There are so many emotions and as we attempt to digest them all the date continues to get closer and closer. We are praising God for how miraculous this situation has been, for 'L' and for our son who we cannot wait to love and cherish. Breathing and praying... praying and breathing...

Last Day of School

2011-06-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

Sophia is no longer a first grader and Etienne has graduated from kindergarten. Although so excited to watch my babies grow and mature into magnificent little people, it makes my heart sad that they are getting so big. As we end one chapter a new one begins and when you toss summer vacation into the mix I think all will be fine. We'll also be sure to keep in touch with Sophia and T's wonderful teachers over break and visit again next year because they truly are that wonderful.

Beach Day

2011-06-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

This is the Final Countdown...

2011-06-01T09:59:00.004-05:00

Okay so it is officially June. School ends in a few days. Pool passes have arrived. Sophia is gearing up for her annual end of the year ballet recital and our son is going to be born. I. AM. STILL. IN. AWE. Literally two weeks and two days after we signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants we were matched with a baby boy due at the beginning of summer. The excitement in our home is tangible.

Last Friday evening, the same day we received our blessed 'match' call we were able to also talk to our agency representative and then at 10:30 pm we got to be a part of a conference call with our birth mom. I was going to post about this all sooner but immediately after we hung the phone up I fell into one of the worst stretches of non-life threatening sicknesses I have ever experienced. After a trip to the ER it was discovered that I had a severe case of strep throat and tonsillitis. Although miserable and frustrating it did provide me with five bed-ridden days to rest and process everything that was and is to be. It's almost as if the past 15 months and then the two weeks getting everything ready for our domestic adoption finally caught up with me and I crashed. At least I crashed with a smile.

The phone call... Birth Mom is a woman of strength, faith and sincere love. She is fully aware that placing her child up for adoption, given her current circumstance, is the best yet most difficult decision she will make in her life. I'm not going to share details of Birth Mom's background, present state, or her plans for the future because it's not our story to discuss. However, I will say that we were expecting an awkward introductory phone call and it was the exact opposite. We were all open, honest, vulnerable and expressed countless times how we are excited and looking forward to meeting one another. It is amazing how when His timing is right everything falls into place without struggle and the blessings that once seemed greater than expected, magnify beyond comprehension. We cannot wait to hug Birth Mom, to get to know her more and to love her. From our perspective, we are not only adding our little baby boy-to-be to our family but we are also hoping to include Birth Mom as well.

So this is it friends... I'm not sure what the next few weeks will look like, but I do know that our son will be born and that we will all be at a hospital in Kansas meeting him for the first time very soon. His due date is June 22nd, Birth Mom thinks he will come sooner... I think we are ready. Oh and I almost forgot, at Birth Mom's last doctor appointment baby measured 7lbs already so we've been told to expect a big baby! Etienne was 8lbs 6oz so little Andreas Lamont Mathis Fink is following in the footsteps of his big brother. As leaked above, we did manage to settle on a name as well... After much deliberation the final decision with significance is: Andreas (Greek/Latin 'Manly, Warrior' - Greek form of Andrew so he's not a junior but is named after his daddy) Lamont (African American/French 'The Mountain/Mount' - Our prayer through out this adoption process has been for the Lord to move the mountain between us and our baby/babies) Mathis (French 'Gift of God'). Praying continually for God's will to be done and for us to serve Him through all of this. We are beyond thankful.

Happy Birthday Etienne!

2011-05-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

Happy sixth birthday to the most adorable little, big man I know.

Matched!!!!

2011-05-27T09:37:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it was the morning school rush and the Friday before Etienne's birthday so not only did we have to get to school on time but we also had to transport 25 cupcakes to class intact. It was just after 8:15am and my ringer was still off. As I was plugging my phone into the charger I noticed a missed call and text. They were both from Carlee our case worker at Christian Adoption Consultants.

Mind you our first round of paperwork arrived to agencies yesterday afternoon so I wasn't expecting a 'match' but rather imagining that I needed to compile some additional documents or something along those lines. Now to the really good part... Last night around 10 pm Carlee was contacted by one of the agencies that received our profile and application (yesterday) and she has a match for us. A baby boy who is due on June 22nd! I am shaking. I am in shock. I am praising Jesus.

Please pray for the birth mom that she may be comforted in confidence with her decision. Please pray that she feels the Lord's presence near her in protection and love and please pray that if this is truly our son that God will continue to lead us to him.

Urgent: Faithfully Looking for Adoptive Parents

2011-05-26T14:30:00.002-05:00

This is an email I have just received. It is from a woman desperately looking for a loving family to care for two children without parents. Two children who urgently need somewhere to call home. Two children who long to be loved. Two children whose future looks bleak. In prayer we trust that God will deliver these children and unite them with a family. If you know anyone or are personally willing to step out in faith and call these two precious gifts your son and daughter please note the contact information at the end of the following letter. Also, please feel free to re-post this as a means of reaching the family God has waiting for these two longing blessings...

May 23, 2011

Today my heart broke. We visited Bukid Kabataan Center (translates to farm for children), which is an amazing child caring facility near Manila. Sister Gemma runs the facility, and her passion for the children is palpable. The children are beautiful, and are proud to call this wonderful place their home. The children all seemed very happy and carefree….all except Catherine.

I first met Catherine and her best friend, Danica, almost a year ago when I traveled to the Philippines as an ambassador. Six of us ambassadors met eight wonderful children who all put their faith in us to find their forever families. We have succeeded with Danica, and she is anxiously waiting to be united with her family in the coming weeks. Danica told me, “Ate (translates to big sister) Kim, for months I didn’t know if I would have a family, but I always prayed it would be mama Jen. God is Good!!” Jenn was another ambassador on my trip, and on that trip she fell in love with her daughter, Danica. Jenn and the rest of Danica’s family will be traveling to the Philippines soon to bring her home.

We have not succeeded with Catherine, not yet. I saw the pain and hopelessness in Catherine’s eyes, and that’s when my heart literally broke. I wanted to beg her forgiveness for letting her down, but instead begged her to not give up on us.

Catherine has lived at Bukid Kabataan Center with her younger brother, Bryan, for over five years. Today she told me that she is leaving Bukid to go to another facility for older girls, and she told me she is very scared. Catherine also told me that Bryan had to leave Bukid to go live with their grandmother, because he could not go to the new facility with her and his psychotherapist determined it would be best for him to be with his family. She also told me that Bryan is very sad because he does not want to live with his grandmother, she is very old, and she cannot take care of Bryan. Bryan takes care of her. Bryan is twelve years old.

I asked Sister Gemma about Bryan and she told me very sadly about the home he is currently living in. It’s not really a home, just a shanty by the river. Sister Gemma visited Bryan, and had to cross a rickety bridge over polluted flood waters to get to his home. Once she arrived, she discovered the home itself was also flooded. Sister Gemma told the Grandmother they should find a new home, because this was very unsafe and she could not imagine how they could possibly live there. Bryan’s grandmother told Sister Gemma they were too poor to move, that they would just stay where they are until the flood waters subside. Sister Gemma told me she thought that would take approximately four months.

My heart broke because I thought it was too late for Catherine and Bryan, but Sister Gemma told me it is not. Catherine and Bryan are still eligible for international adoption, and they both still desperately want to be adopted by a family in the United States. They hope to be adopted by a family in or near Wisconsin, so they can be near their friends who have and will come before them.

We have two months. Catherine turns 16 in February of 2012, and a family would have to officially apply to adopt her before then, or she will lose her chance forever. If a family came forward today, they would not be able to reach that critical step for at least 6 months. We need to come together as a community and find their family. I know their family is out there, and it’s our job to find them.

I was there when it was time for Catherine to leave the only safe home she had ever known. I held her as we both cried and I told her how beautiful and smart she was and how I knew she would be ok. Catherine said to me, “Ate Kim, is it too late for me and Bryan to be adopted?” I told her it was not and said, “you had given up hope, hadn’t you?” She said, “yes, I did” and I said, “then I’m glad I came”.

We promised Catherine we would find her family, and now it’s time to fulfill that promise. We are her only hope.

I am forwarding this email and attached blog written by Kim Westfahl (Supervisor of the LSS International program) who is currently in the Phillipines.

We are desperately seeking an adoptive family for siblings (Catherine and Bryan)...please pass along to anyone who may be interested or be in prayer for Catherine and Bryan as their future is so uncertain.

Thank you.

Carrie Pedersen, BSW, CSW
Adoption/Birth Parent Worker Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan, Inc. 2000 Bluemound Rd. Waukesha, WI 53186 414-671-5927 or 262-506-1118 Fax: 414-896-3450 carrie.pedersen@lsswis.org Visit LSS Adoption on Facebook!
www.lssadopt.org

Big Girl Bike

2011-05-26T11:59:00.000-05:00

Domestic Adoption Update

2011-05-25T20:57:00.000-05:00

It's go time baby! We have officially been with Christian Adoption Consultants for two weeks now and it has been anything but uneventful. With that said, I believe we have finally reached a point of relaxation as all of the paperwork is completed for the seven agencies and law firms that we have decided to apply with. Today, the final packets were sent out and will be arriving to their final destinations by the end of the week (enter excited squeal here).

As far as a time line from this point, a typical estimate would be six to nine months total; from the moment we send in our paperwork until we are holding our son in our arms. However, we have been told to possibly expect a time frame somewhere between the three to six month mark. The reason for a shorter wait for us has much to do with the fact that we are already a trans-racial family which bodes favorable to many potential birth moms. There is also the greatest need for families to adopt boys of African American decent and it is our heart's desire to add a little guy to the family. Of course, we are hoping and praying for even sooner.

While our excitement and happiness mounts, we reflect on where we have been and where we are headed. Although it was difficult to let go of our Ethiopian adoption, we are thankful for each moment we had during that process. Trusting and knowing that every joy and sorrow brought us to this point in this moment. Without question we are where God has called us to be. We are on our way...

Home-run

2011-05-23T22:41:00.000-05:00

What's not to love about comp tickets to a Brewer's game? The weather was beautiful, I'm pretty sure we won, all kids were happy sans any sign of grumpiness and we were celebrating because today we sent out two of our five domestic adoption packets to different agencies around the country. We have officially begun and are eager to see how God is going to orchestrate the rest of this very intense and unpredictable journey to the our little man. Hoping for a home-run in the form of a match very, very soon!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Three Years Old

2011-05-22T21:32:00.004-05:00

The festivities continued into Sunday...

Happy Birthday Charlotte!

2011-05-21T20:23:00.002-05:00

The littlest of Finks is three years old and in her honor we spent the entire day celebrating! Happy birthday to the one and only Miss Charlotte Evangeline Birtukan who each year becomes more and more amazing... beyond what our greatest dreams could have anticipated.

New Discovery

2011-05-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

Our home is situated off of a parkway and here is where, just recently, we discovered what appeared to be a hidden gem. Off of the general trail, behind a lining of trees, sat seclusion and freedom in the form of an open air field. Comprising a small herd in and of ourselves, we the Finks' invaded this found meadow with the sincerest hopes of a new summer play area. The kids filled the green space with bubbles while the dogs pounced around merrily. It all seemed so lovely until a repercussion of nature reared it's tiny, icky little self. A tick was spotted scurrying on Sophia's shirt and truth be told, I am no country girl, so I let out holler and ushered the kids back to the concrete path at warp speed. After checking the kids and the dogs as if I were searching for a mine field, we returned home and entered into full on disinfection mode - showers, wash and double check. Although fun while it lasted, sadly this romp in the field was a one time adventure - at least until fall's first frost hits, which hopefully will not be anytime soon.

Conversation of the Day

2011-05-18T20:45:00.001-05:00

Yes... I was eaves-dropping on my oldest little one during her ballet recital practice and must admit that I may be a little hooked. I'm feeling that I should keep this up through the teen age years as it seems like it could be a wealth of knowledge or at the very least entertaining...

Girl from class: Who is that (motioning to Charlotte)?
Sophia: That's my baby sister (very matter of fact).
Girl from class: Why is she brown (whispering)?
Sophia: Because she's from Ethiopia (loudly).
Girl from class: Is she adopted?
Sophia: Yes, I said she's from Ethiopia.
Girl from class: Are you adopted?
Sophia: No, I came from my mom's tummy (turns away to hug Charlotte).

I brought up the above mentioned conversation to Sophia over dinner and she stated exactly what she had previously said, like it was no big deal, just our reality. I love how adoption is such an integral part of our lives. I love how when we enter the room heads turn giving us an opportunity to share. In our house, family is family no matter what color or nationality. Sophia, Etienne and Charlotte are growing up embracing and sharing in a way that I was never aware of or exposed to in my youth and for this I am so thankful. Praying that as a family we will be used to further the beauty of adoption and God's all encompassing love for each of us equally.

Homecoming

2011-05-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

Two years ago today AJ, Charlotte and I walked off of an airplane that had carried us from Ethiopia to Dubai and into Chicago. Exhausted, the last thought on our mind was sleep as Sophia and Etienne cautiously approached us, meeting their baby sister for the first time. We were finally together and no words can adequately describe how amazing this moment was for all of of us... Two years have passed and I am in still in awe of how blessed we are... Thankful beyond comprehension.

Dandelion Love

2011-05-16T10:15:00.000-05:00

Domestic Adoption Progress

2011-05-14T11:16:00.002-05:00

Anyone ~~close to me~~ who has any sort of contact with me can attest to my self diagnosed OCD. It is blatantly apparent at the moment as we are in full domestic adoption mode. It has literally been a whirlwind wherein we mourned what we believed to be and embraced what is to be. I cannot begin to express how joyful we are and how God continues to clearly show us that we are walking in the direction He intends for our family. So here is the breakdown of our last two weeks:

Prayed and then prayed some more for God to clearly direct us to either remain with our Ethiopian adoption or to pursue an African American infant domestic adoption
He spoke and we followed thus beginning our research into different domestic adoption options
We officially withdrew from Gladney and signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants in the same morning
Completed our Profile Book over the course of a day and a half (note the above mentioned OCD reference)
Our home study case worker updated our study to reflect a domestic adoption
Carlee at CAC asked for a single family photo to share with last minute prospective cases
Ordered an infant stroller with carry cot (I know it's premature but it was on sale) and unpacked all of our infant baby boy clothes that were once worn by Etienne (marveled at how tiny he once was)
Received our agency packet from CAC and selected the agencies and lawyers that will show our profile book to prospective birth moms
Compiled all necessary documents for each agency and so it begins (13 hours of dedicated work)...

We are excited and full of such hope and peace believing that this was the 'plan' all along. I happened upon this post from one of CAC's caseworkers and was overwhelmed with possibility and sincerely in awe:
http://thespiritofadoption.wordpress.com/2010/07/17/promise-of-restoration-guest-post-by-shaleen/.

As we begin what is next we pray for what was and know that God will continue to set the lonely in families, move mountains and gracefully shock His followers into trusting Him and only Him completely. Although to some it may seem like we've given up, it is the exact opposite, we have just begun...

Mid-Afternoon Walk

2011-05-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

A New Door Opens

2011-05-11T00:09:00.000-05:00

This is an extremely difficult post to write. Some may understand while others may disagree but either way know that what I am about to disclose is a decision made prayerfully and based neither on emotions or personal desires but instead on faith. As a family we have submitted that no matter how crazy, unexpected or uncomfortable we were in any given circumstance that we would follow God's lead. Trusting that He knows what is best and that His plan is perfect. When a new door opens we walk through even if it may appear crazy or sporadic. If the door shuts we continue forward along that path that is still available knowing that He will sustain and redirect us.

I wouldn't have changed anything. In our moments of weakness He brought us closer to His image.

We began our current adoption just under two years ago, shortly after we brought Miss Charlotte home. The original 'plan' was to add a little guy to the family. About three months into the wait AJ and I found ourselves plagued with an unexplainable restlessness. We prayed and through a series of circumstances and encouragements we clearly heard Him calling us to wait only for twins. Peace fell upon us and we settled in for the long wait that would most likely precede a referral. During this time, potential cutbacks in Ethiopian adoption became a very real possibility and our agency was undergoing an investigation which halted all referrals. Easily explained, given these factors, we again became restless and uncertain of our direction. Prayerfully we petitioned for God to make His will our complete desire. Eventually, the investigation was cleared and referrals resumed, we were relieved and expectant. However this hope weighed down quickly as more time passed and we continued to wait. We knew that God would provide but we didn't know how or when. The entire family prayed and continues to pray daily for the twins, at every meal, in quiet moments and always after our nightly devotions. Despite never seeing them we included them and considered them a part of our family. The heartache was at times unbearable as we literally begged God to show us them. I cannot tell you how many times we have fallen to our knees, arms raised, pleading with God for relief during this adoption. He has always answered our cries but not always in our time nor in accordance with the platform we so desired.

He has and continues to change us during this time, making us solely reliant and dependent on Him alone.

A new door has opened and in all honesty, if it were even legitimately cracked a year ago I feel that I would have slammed it shut without question. Let me explain, at various points over the last year, domestic adoption has been a topic of discussion amongst so many conversations I've been privy to. Families we've met and known have brought home beautiful little bundles of joy as a result of it and although it always seemed like a 'nice' idea to both AJ and I, it never felt like a viable option for our family. Ethiopia holds such a significant place in our hearts that to think of not adopting from there again seems almost sacrilegious for us. So each time adopting domestically was presented we brushed it aside. God was not having this so He persisted and eventually led us here where He finally broke us. It has been a whirlwind ever since as opportunities, information, guidance, support and encouragement flood us without ceasing. We are literally encompassed by domestic adoption and believe that this was God's plan all along. I imagine Him smirking and peering down at us with a little twinkle that says "see I told you I would take care of everything... continue to trust me." In no attempt what so ever to analyze God's will, AJ and I believe that switching only to twins extended our wait in order to provide time for our hearts to be changed and perspective broadened. If we would not have been waiting for twins chances are we would have received a referral and would possibly never have been convinced to adopt domestically. Translation: we would not have the son He has chosen for us since the beginning. In retrospect, the grueling wait is beginning to make sense.

"My eyes and heart will always be there." 2 Chronicles 7:16

We are not expecting an easier road or even a faster path but we are hopeful that soon we will be with our newest addition. The wait has been long and difficult and is not yet over. We are sincerely mourning not adopting from Ethiopia again; It hurts to realize that we will most likely never be a tangible part of the twins lives, for who we believe to be there. We understand that we have done a 360 and will again be waiting for a single baby boy. We know we're starting over. With this said, we trust that God knows the way. We are not changing course based on the pain of waiting although we do feel some relief. We will continue to advocate for Ethiopia and embrace it as an extension of ourselves and we feel privileged to have been able to pray for a twinset in Ethiopia knowing that God has had their intended family chosen all along. We are excited to see who our son is, to meet him and to hold him. Sophia, Etienne and Charlotte are anxious to meet their baby brother. It may seem insane but a new door has opened and together as a family we have entered. May God's will be done.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Fifteen Months Waiting

2011-05-10T07:58:00.001-05:00

I'm okay... We are okay... To be continued...

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T17:07:00.001-05:00

Two years ago today we were at the care center in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia meeting Miss Charlotte for the first time. In that moment our lives changed. Today, together as a family composed of five, expanding according to God's will and design, I am in awe of our history and excited by what the future holds. This Mother's Day, reflecting on where I have been, how I have changed and where I will be, I am at a loss for words fully realizing that I am undeserving but blessed none the less. Happy Mother's Day!

Dear God

2011-05-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

Pray With Us...

2011-05-03T09:07:00.001-05:00

So here is the deal friends... Two years ago on Mother's Day we met Charlotte for the first time. One year ago this coming Saturday AJ and I officially followed God's lead and switched all of our paperwork to wait just for twins. Today we are still waiting to see the precious faces we have since only dreamed of...Please pray with us that this is the week. Jesus says in Matthew 18:19 "If two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them." Please help us in prayer...

From Elmo to Justin Bieber

2011-05-02T10:05:00.001-05:00

We've crossed over. After church Sunday morning Etienne showed us the drawing he made of a person he'd like to pray for. The individual he choose was none other than Justin Beaver (aka Justin Bieber) and as disbelief set in, he along with Sophia began singing in unison "Baby, baby, baby ohhhh." So without haste, the afternoon was spent downloading songs from none other than some of Radio Disney's youth driven catalog, Justin Bieber included, to add to our nightly dance party rotation. Truth be told, with full admission, both AJ and I actually enjoy listening to some of these tunes as well and to say that the kids are fans would be stating the obvious... What's next Teen Bop subscriptions and Jonas Brother's concerts?

Justin Beaver

2011-05-02T10:04:00.000-05:00

Balloon Rescue

2011-05-01T09:00:00.002-05:00

What happens when you're in the middle of a department store and the balloon that your child holds so dear suddenly floats freely up to the ceiling? Do you let it go and attempt to avert the obvious melt down that is about to follow or do you swing at it hopefully, scaffold various displays and jump up and down until you retrieve it? In this instance we choose the latter...

Melody

2011-04-30T10:47:00.002-05:00

Like father... Like daughter.

For anyone who knows our family it is apparent that music is an integral part of our daily life. In accordance, more frequently than not, Miss Sophia can be found tickling the ivories whilst singing impromptu songs she comes up with in the moment. I am brought to tears as I witness her passion and instinctual gift. I am one blessed mama.

Reminder

2011-04-27T15:20:00.000-05:00

Timeout

2011-04-26T21:27:00.002-05:00

So little Miss Charlotte has morphed into little Miss Sassy Pants as of late and she is showing no signs of crossing back over to sweetness anytime soon. It's been a rough few days as naps have been hit or miss and activities have overflowed our social calendar with the kids on spring break. With reason, her mood swings are to be expected... we just weren't expecting an episode during the middle of dinner. It was such a gallant display of theatrics, Oscar worthy really, that we had to capture it on film. Behold Charlotte's Noodles and Company timeout, which was not only a long two minutes for us but also for all of the other diners who bore witness to this reoccurring performance. Watch out Broadway...

Polkadots and Stripes

2011-04-24T23:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T09:45:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

2011-04-23T14:44:00.000-05:00

Etienne: "Mom, you look taller today."

(At 5'1" this is an extreme bit of flattery)